A couple of days ago it dawned on me that I've lost a close friend. No, not in the irreversible sense of the word, she's still live and kicking, somewhere. I didn't see it coming. It hit me like a wet slap across the face.
The older you get the more that childish trust in people fades, it gets tougher to trust them, to let them too close. A defence mechanism. Yet my curiosity and interest overcame this mechanism, I had found a person who was as eager to have endless talks, sharing ideas and secrets again, like a child. Long story short, the scales fell off my eyes when I got to know that she's not too busy with her work, she's just too busy for me. It's like being in high school all over again - trusting a friend with a secret and then watching her turn her back on you and joining somebody else's gang. Nothing big has happened, no visible damage, and yet it's rather unnerving how easily relationships change. Ironically, I can vividly imagine what this friend's reaction would be if she recognised herself in this post. She probably knew it all along, no loss for her, she wasn't going as deep emotionally as I was. How do you grieve the loss of a friend when they're not lost? It's just so pathetic. It's easier to leave than to be left behind.