Thursday, 27 September 2012


And here I am again, taking full swing into sentimentalism and emotional crisis. On the visible level there is no reason for it. If you scratch under the surface there are plenty of small reasons to be uncomfortable in my skin. One by one these reasons may seem insignificant, just like each puzzle piece alone doesn't show you the whole picture. I've realised, the longer I live the sorer my soul becomes. People closest to me say I'm an idealist, too honest for the ways of this world. Couldn't agree more. The truth is I am not adapted for life on this planet. I'm a lousy liar, too compassionate, too empathetic. Worse than that, I don't know how to become tougher and insensitive. I am a misplaced object that doesn't know where it really belongs.

Monday, 17 September 2012

The blind spot

I am fascinated by mind, human mind in particular. It is the most powerful tool we possess. It can work either as a poison or an antidote, and only mind itself can decide which one it will be. No one can oppress or uplift a mind if the mind itself doesn't allow the corresponding information to be processed into thoughts. And what a subtle self-preservation mechanism it is gifted with!
What is all this poetic rant about? Nothing special, just a trick my own mind played on me. I went into a room to take my headphones, instead after a blind spot lasting 5 seconds I found myself standing with a white bra in my hands. Had to return to that room to deposit the bra and pick up the headphones I needed in the first place. Very funny, mind, very funny...

Monday, 3 September 2012

I remember where I was when...

I remember where I was when my mom called dad and me to tell us that my grandmom had died of cancer after having spent the last half a year of her rather short life in upright position to prevent liquid gathering in her lungs and literally drowning her.
I remember where I was when my first boyfriend called me and said that at his sweet eighteen years of age he was too young for a commitment and the world crumbled under my feet.
I remember where I was when my mom and dad told me that they had euthanized our ill dog whom I had had for as long as I could remember myself.
I remember where I was at the moment when reports from the Twin Towers on 9/11 started flooding TV screens and our minds never to be deleted again.
I remember where I was when the pregnancy test confirmed that I would be a mom for the first time in my life.
I remember where I was when the very first scene of the book I'm working on kicked into my mind.
I remember where I was when a friend showed and explained to me how emails work and blew my mind.
I remember where I was when my younger child, racing with his sister, stumbled and fell slashing his forehead open to be mended again with five stitched in hospital.
I remember where I was when saw my child laugh in his sleep this morning.
I remember...

Saturday, 1 September 2012


Who needs a thermometer when one has twenty cats at hand? Today is roll-into-a-ball-and-snuggle-to-another-cat-for-warmth-day, which translates into human language as approximately 20 degrees Celsius. There.